Angel One: Ryker, None

Dear Ryker,

It is taking all of my self-control not to hurl my laptop into the wall on the opposite end of my apartment when your Han-Solo-wannabe smirk immediately follows a bout of mansplaining.

F*ck you, dude. I mean, I get it. I get that characters will be characters will be psycholinguistic markers of their creator’s self-righteous bullsh*t.

I get it and I’m saying f*ck you.

F*ck you being on the bridge and nodding along when Picard says that the female semi-psychic therapist from your crew will be leading the interactions with the matriarchy on the planet below, and then asserting yourself as team leader once on the planet’s surface.

F*ck you for “respectfully” wearing the froo-froo apparel of the indigenous male, and then pushing your agenda — in all arenas — once you were in the bedroom of the planet’s Matriarch.

F*ck you when you say you’re upholding the Prime Directive, and then continuously mansplain a very vague history of Earth’s feminist movements and how it relates to what’s going on in this matriarchy now.

Given all the times you drone on and on about not understanding Earth’s historic bouts of greed and prejudice and genderism, I can say with a fair amount of confidence that Captain Kirk with all his philandering is a far superior feminist to you.

At least when Kirk buts in, he knows he’s butting in and owns it. At least when Kirk gets friendly with the females, he keeps it friendly (unless they communicate in some way that they like the rough stuff). At least when Kirk violates the Prime Directive, he acknowledges it and even has a moment of inner struggle about it before he does it with full ownership of the doing.

Compared to Kirk loving his ship and his crew and women, you’re just sort of totally manspreading your privilege as a human/male/Starfleet officer all over the known universe.

Get your sh*t together, Ryker, or at least your manspreading knees.

Make it so.